How do I choose a girl to date?Think about what they have in common, and try to understand how theyre different. Ponder all of the wonderful things each girl has to offer, and consider how each relationship might look in the long run. Before you make your decision, give yourself plenty of time to think things over.
How do I choose a lover?10 Tips to Help You Pick a Good PartnerPeople will tell you exactly who they are; its up to you to listen. ... Take a test drive. ... Look for someone who is kind and loving. ... Make sure the person youre seeing doesnt smoke, even if you do. ... Find someone you can talk to. ... Make sure you have the basics in common.More items...•21 Oct 2011
Do we choose who we fall in love with?Falling in love can feel like its totally out of your hands but experts seem to agree that — at least to an extent — theres a choice involved. Its more proof that being in the right frame of mind can make all the difference when approaching a relationship, because somewhere along the way you are making a choice.
How do you tell if your girlfriend really loves you?Here are some signs that you and your girlfriend truly have something special together, and should be working on preserving your relationship.She always cares about the well-being of your friends. ... You are able to go on trips without fighting. ... She often checks you out. ... You have common values. ... She often brags about you.More items...•28 Jul 2020
She walked right in front of my car while I was at a stop sign. We had the windows down and called out her name thinking we were mistaken - this other man clearly had his arms around her and they fought off each other in saying goodbye.
Yes, my daughter and I watched from about 25 feet away. I was struck so much by this, but didn't tell my son. Neither did my daughter but she did, saying whatever I tell him about her is a complete lie and not to believe me.
So the score is 1 - I am a liar; 2 I am an alcoholic drink to celebrate my birthday at a restaurant and 3 I am a lousy cook. Yes we have invited her to things and yes we have included her from day 1. Enough advice about being the bigger person.
Our entire family and circle of friends have witnessed her rudeness at family bbq's, birthday parties etc. But this incredibly dumb girl - but oops she does have a B.
S in Communications - is so not for him. They have been dating over 2 yrs which to our family is an eternity, and no signs of breakup soon. She contributes nothing and right now is in her 3rd career.
She has called me an alcoholic while I was in a restaurant celebrating my birthday, she has insulted my cooking on so many occasions, I stopped including her to dinners, both here at the holiday time and in general even if we are going out to dinner. She dresses terrible for really important occasions and was texting her friends during his law school graduation how bored she was during the speeches given. I can go on and on. I have taken the high road and its out of my hands in God's hands now.
My inlaws to this day continue to badmouth my husband, myself and our children and they don't even know our last 2 children.
After much counseling 15 years ago, my husband agreed to disconnect from his family due to their negative feelings about me. My son witnessed this but doesn't choose to remember these things. Anything negative he conveniently forgets. Oh and I also wanted to mention his fraternity brothers from college, and roommates from law school also don't care for this How do I choose a girlfriend?. And they have How do I choose a girlfriend?
to him so much so that they banned her from their social events both East Coast and West Coast. Thank you everyone for your responses. He is losing relationships close ones.
So don't need any more responses - I am letting God do his work. How do I choose a girlfriend? and simple, you are treating her the way she is treating you. With total disrespect and disregard. You are creating a wedge between your son which you adore and will How do I choose a girlfriend?
him away if you continue to voice your opinions and treat his girlfriend this way. You need to be the adult and suck it up. You're never going to welcome her the way it should be, but for the sake of your relationship with your son, you need to put on your game face and let him make his own decisions and live his own life. Either he will realize this girl is not a good choice for him or you will end up being removed from his life.
It sounds like you have raised an intelligent man, and unfortunately for you, it sounds like this woman makes him happy. If you complain to him, you will only end up driving him away. Regardless of your opinion of this girl, you need to take a step back and see what is really going on.
Your son is a grown adult man and you need to let him go to make his own decisions. There is no way that he will choose you over her because she is meeting some need that he has and he either loves her or is willing to be with her for whatever reason. So the best you can do is be gracious and accepting towards her. If you get to know her and always strive to look for the positive in her and be positive around her, you won't lose your relationship with your son or possibly, your future grandchildren.
Strive to be the bigger person and you won't regret it. You may not want to hear this but the part of your sons life where you get to make his decisions ended a long time ago. He is an adult and he gets to choose whom he wants to share his life with. The only thing you can and should do is support your son. You say he's smart so trust that he's made the right decisions for him. He may end up marrying this girl someday, if you can't find peace with her and his decision making as an adult it will really drive a wedge in your relationship.
As an adult he needs less of a mother figure and more of a supportive friend. Wow, I find just reading this pretty off putting. I always believe that positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. I understand your concerns but its very over bearing. Your son is a young adult that needs to make his own decisions and needs to make his own mistakes and learn from his lessons.
This may or may not be the right person for him but that is not your decision to make. Maybe your son finds her to be his equal emotionally. Be the parent and the bigger person. You have no control over this matter except to be as loving as possible. Your son is a grown man, with his own life. Maybe your son knows this. So, Thus, maybe he does know that this girl is not a marrying kind. Tis' the reason for many changes in relationships. Being your son is so smart. I assume he How do I choose a girlfriend?
know this, because he is smart and well educated. All the best, Susan First I would apologize to your son for not teaching him what a real woman is and how a real woman should act.
This type of behavior is acceptable to him. Well that is a question you should sit back and really think about. You did raise him right?? Maybe you won't read this. I wouldn't want to if I were you. Most children live what they learn.
He chose her he's not a victimso that says that he has other weaknesses in his character. Once you've given your opinion on a matter, you have to drop it and let your son live his life.
Laura on the radio - she'd give you some real straight-forward How do I choose a girlfriend?. Gonna have to get all metaphysical on you. He will make mistakes, some little and some How do I choose a girlfriend?. I will be there to provide love and advice when wanted. He has attracted this person into his life, for a reason. Its Law of Attraction 201. Try to always look for something positive in her, about her.
Make a list and How do I choose a girlfriend? something happens, take out that list and concentrate on it. You will find that you will not notice the negative so much. If her energy does not feel good to you then you should not include her. If your son has not started to insist that you include her, How do I choose a girlfriend? maybe it is not so serious. If he does insist, then lay the ground rules for how you want to be treated and respected as his Mother. It seems the younger siblings need a lesson in this too, if she treats them badly.
Either she is a good liar or he is blind to her. But he needs to see it for himself. If he is well aware of how she is and how she treats his family, then it would seem that you all let people walk over you. He is not demanding respect for himself. All you can do is be the example of how you want to be treated and let it trickle down. Peace and Good Luck Oh dear. This has happened in my family, as well.
Both men made terrible matches. The families on both sides could see it right off. My side asked subtle questions, gave subtle hints regarding their incompatibility and yes, they still married. The silver lining is that neither marriage produced children thank God. Both men recovered emotionally and financially eventually and now are happily married, successful and have beautiful children.
We must all make our own path and find our own way, learning as we go along. You might have a heart-to-heart carefully and gingerly with your son about his intentions with her marriage or just hanging out to satisfy your questions, but he must make his choices.
I would continue to try and limit your exposure to her and let her foul behavior and attitude roll right off. I wish you the best in this difficult situation. My mother and I do not talk in large part to the way she behaved before we were married. I did not inform her when I was getting divorced. He divorced me because I reverted to family behaviors and started acting like her. We have been married nearly 6 years with two beautiful boys.
My husband forced their hand and made them apologize to me in order to be part of our life again. Serious big How do I choose a girlfriend? - his family is Asian. After getting to know me better, they realized that my husband had seen a lot of things in me that they couldn't have seen on the first few meetings. Up to you how to go from here but I'd suggest finding something in common and working from there. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but hopefully useful info nonetheless.
I know it's been some time since you posted this question. I have to say that most of these responses are missing one key point. You have to take care of yourself. You've raised your son, and you've looked out for him by telling him about the stop sign. Now, you have to let him live his life, How do I choose a girlfriend? you have to live yours. Do what makes you feel better about yourself and your family. If you want to distance yourself away from him and his girlfriend, do it.
If you don't want to invite her to family gatherings, then don't do it. If you are more concerned about your son walking away, then, by all means, put on a happy face. No matter what you do, you have to be okay with yourself every day. Putting on a happy face may be what everyone else thinks you should do because he is your son, but will that make you happy? Everyone else may think that your son walking away is horrible, but some distance and separation may bring you more peace for now.
You can't live your life for your son. Your life is just as important as his. You may be his mother, but you How do I choose a girlfriend? also a special person yourself. You are a beloved part of your family. Don't let your son or his choice of girlfriends ruin the best times of your life. You ultimately have the power to make the choice about your life.
Don't sacrifice yourself, your marriage, or your family for this situation. By the way, we can be the best mothers, and the world will still find fault with us when our adult children make their own foolish decisions. In other words, don't take some of these other responses personally. As for myself, my situation was similar to yours.
I've decided to take a much needed break from my son, and I'm enjoying the peace. I miss him a little, but my marriage and family are happier, and I am happier and healthier. Things may change in the future, but we both need some space to live our own lives at this point in time.
Without the drama, I've even had time to join a gardening club and take up a new hobby. You are a good mother! Obviously your son is a smart man and she must be doing something great for him so no matter how you feel about her as long as she is being good to him you should try and accept her. I am pretty sure you make it clear to her that you dont like her around so she treats you the way you are treating her.
Be patient and be accepting! In the event he decides to marry her. I probably have way more simple advice than the majority of others who wrote in. I say pray with an open heart as much as you can that: 1. My Mom said she prayed all How do I choose a girlfriend? time that we would break up. She knew it would only make things worse if she was openly hostile to him since I would have taken his side.
The only other thing I would take into consideration is to ask yourself if your son really seems happy with her. If he does, I would think that might help you see her in a different light.
Or at least make it slightly more tollerable. I cannot add anything to the right-on responses I have been reading. It is the person inside that matters. Sounds like the girl is one of these types that feels really really entitled. Someone else should be taking care of her. It is unfortunate that your son has gotten attached to her at some level. How deep is the question. Does he hope to marry her? You might ask him if he has long-term goals with this relationship. He may or may not.
Try not to take all the rudeness too personally. She would be this way with almost anyone. But certainly do not feel compelled to invite her to family events.
Does your son understand why you do not want her there? You sort of left his perceptions if known out of your description of the situation. You will not be able to do much to about the girl's personality and behavior, but the depth of the relationship and communication with your son will determine how much peace you can make.
Unfortunately there are alot of girls out there like that. You are sounding very immature yourself right now too. Your son must like her to stay with her for that amount of time. Its probally a sexual thing! If she is cute and gives him lots of attention, then maybe he is needing that. When he gets bored, he will dump her and hopefully find someone that you will like better : For her being rude to you and your family, thats unexceptable and he should put a stop to it!
But if you are rude to her, then she is probally feeling that and just her way of returning it. Good luck and remember you probally wont ever think anyone is good enough for your son. Hi How do I choose a girlfriend?, Sounds like her social skills haven't been cultivated, nor her ability to show empathy. On top of this, her self-centered motivations with material accouterments sound like she may be high functioning autism called Aspergers.
But I work with these people and see these qualities daily. This may never change, however, addressing you son with these concerns about social skills and not attacking her may soften the blow.
Also, you may want to increase your ability to deflect her abrupt comments, maybe even take her aside and let her know you are hurt by specific things she says.
Good luck, Wendy dear Lori so so so sorry to hear about it: But I believe that if you treat her bad or show your son that you dislike her he son will look at her more with love. Try to be indiferent towards her and treat her nice. Maybe if he sees that you don't care much might wake up from this dream girl: I will say a prayer for you and your family: You might want to get your son How do I choose a girlfriend?
some pro bono work for the holidays and he can see how other people struggle and be so busy he can't think about this girl and change his priorities: Maybe have all the family volunteer this holiday for under privilage people and include his girlfriend and he will see that she really doesn't care much for them and might wake up?
You can attempt to speak to him about her, but more than likely it will only cause a rift between you and your son. You have every right not to invite her, but sometimes killing the enemy with kindness works better than pouring salt on the wound.
Hopefully he will wake up and realize what type of woman he has. If you trust him not to judge you, have a conversation about her and his intentions toward her.
I assume she did not graduate with her B. I don't know if you realize it but you sound like an elitist. A college degree of any sort is something to be proud of. Oh my GoshI am going though something similiar with my sons girlfriend of 2 yrs and to read a lot of these comments I have to say is appauling to me.
In my situation since this girl has came into my sons life everything has been nothing but drama and chaos. Only this girl has sociopath tendacies and feels she has to cause drama continuiously with whoever seems to take my sons attention away from her. If she doesn't get what she wants, she will go How do I choose a girlfriend?
any length to get it, even making it as if she is in competition with me his Mother for is attention. That to me seems like the weirdest thing. I have never heard of anything like it in my life. But the thing is she turns everything around to my son ,making it seem like its all us not liking her and provoking these things and seriously gets him to believe her.
We have done about everything we could and I am at my wits end with this. This girl has completely changed our whole family's life. When his sister and friend's would come around our whole family would laugh and joke around and be happy, doing fun things on the weekends and everything.
Now his girlfriend caused drama with him for everyone in our family and has just about taken all the fun out of our family. We barely even get together for family gatherings any longer.
We have continuiously tried to accept this girl trying to look at things in every lightletting him make his own choices and decisions, as a lot of you have said and it has totally only let her feel she again has gotten her way.
He doesn't understand that there are people like this out in this world. He feels sorry for her and her childhood troubles and how she was treated by her family, and how all her other boyfriends parents didn't like her and wanted to break them up so he continues this relationship.
Not wanting to add to her past experiences. I just wish this person just wouldn't have even met my son at all and that is terrible to state or even feel. I am sorry but there has got to be a line that shouldn't be crossed no matter what we are his family and deserve respect also. I feel a lot of you are not putting yourselves in our places. It should not be something this hard to just want happiness and laughter for our sons and our lives. I feel for any parent's that has or will have to deal with something like this ,as we do.
Hi Lori, I am not going to tell you be the bigger person, I have 2 grown sons one is 26 and married to a beautiful young woman, and i have a 22 year old son who is dating a 19 year old girl, they started dating when he was 19 and she wasonly 15, I had a her family fell in love with my son, how ever I had a problem with her age, and the disfuntucual family she comes from, but I learned that when our kids are grown you can't make choices for them, or make decisions for them.
You mentioned that your son is this high educated young man, so has he not seen all these things you mentioned, it sounds to me like she has a ring in his nose, and he doesn't even see, it that's not to smart.
Or he see's something in her the rest of you don't see, so sit down with him,ask him what attracted him to this woman, ask him what her strenghts and weaknesses are. You may want to find out why she despises you, and go from there. You don't want to put a stumbling block in your relationship with your son. I hope things get better by Christmas.
Sounds like my cousin's girlfriend, except that he's 27 and she's only 19. Nothing that his parents have tried. It's been at least 2 years and she still comes around almost every day. They fight like cats and dogs, but he doesn't seem to want to break up with her. All we can do is cross our fingers at How do I choose a girlfriend?
point and hope he gets tired of the fighting. He doesn't seem to care about anyone else's opinion of her. Who he dates is his choice, not yours.
If you want a relationship with your son, you need to accept that and welcome the woman he obviously loves. Maybe she is How do I choose a girlfriend? you because you are attacking her? I can't imagine being in her shoes as you come across in writing as a very difficult woman.
I am just being honest here.
But I'm sure you mean well. What if your son developed cancer or God forbid another tragedy struck. Would you say to yourself that you are glad that you never accepted his girlfriend? You seem to be criticizing her every move and calling her dumb? So she likes nice things. It sounds like your son can afford them. Have some faith in him and his decisions. Men are usually drawn to women that are similar to their mother so maybe you should look in the mirror? Sorry if thsi comes across harshly, I just hate ot read about anyone, even a stranger, acting like the situation you are in is the end of hte world.
It sounds like you have many blessings, one of which is a successful child. You've obviously done something right. Make peace and enjoy life. Dear Lori; It is amazing what we see on the outside looking in. Set your bounderies, on how she treats and talks to you and the other family members, that is esential!
Your son being so smart should see how she treats the others and not put up with it, I would think. I agree with Dinorah and Elizabeth, as well, on the more humorous side, hahaha.
There are quite a few Movies that deal with this type of situation that will be great things to think about. However, the only thing you can truly do is ask your son what he see's in her and ask him what his intentions are? The parent trap is a good one to get idea's hahahaa. But sometimes it is their Journey. I don't envy you, Prayers and Blessings. You cannot stop her from dating your son or even marrying your son and having his children.
He is an adult and is going to do what he wants and if you want to have a relationship with him at all, you are going to have to let him do it. Maybe one day they will break up, maybe they will get married and divorced.
But don't think for a second that your son is going to choose you over someone he has been with for two years who he probably loves or is strongly attracted to for some reason.
All you will do is come off as controlling and he will distance himself from you to be with her. She sounds awful however if your son is as smart and educated as you say, perhaps he will How do I choose a girlfriend? realize she is not for him. The important thing is you have to indulge him as his mother and let him go on with her. You don't need to go on about how she dresses, that's very petty and you will alienate yourself from your son.
Grown kids do this all the time. Moms want the best for their children and your position is very understandable but your son is driven by his heart or libido for this girl How do I choose a girlfriend? you can't stop that. You can only hold your breath, bite your tongue other than to explain what I wrote above, and hope this passes and he finds a more suitable girl for him. He will appreciate and respect you more with the way you handled this once it's all over and he will feel better introducing you to the next one rather than be afraid to bring someone in the future home for fear you will also not like that one.
Be wise and look at the big picture. I can totally relate to your feelings. However, you need to make the best of it. Your children will make choices you don't agree with, but you need to support it. If you make a big deal of it, then you'll be the one pushed aside, not the girlfriend. Your son is a smart man and obviously sees something he loves in this girl. The best gift you can give your son is to accept his girlfriend, include her as part of the family, and be happy for him. Most people start in this relationship thinking it is doomed.
Yes there are some but we hear more about the bad than the good. Maybe one teeny tiny thing happened one time that you did that hurt her and she put her guard up. Now she will nit pick and be down your back with every teeny tiny mistake you make. Maybe you should try to have a talk with her.
Tell her you acknowledge that you two don't see eye to eye and don't get along.
How should you be punished
But the greatest thing you have in common is the love for your son. Neither of you want him in the middle of this. Tell her that you want her to be respected and welcomed in your home and that she should be a gracious guest. If your food sucks or something else she should not criticize.
You don't want to be on the outside. I have the worst relationship with my inlaws. How do I choose a girlfriend? think it has to do with their son. This was ammunition for everything I do, they will not like it. Therefore I have anxiety before we get together with them.
I am completely nervous and flustered. So for sure I am in defense mode when they talk with me. I am not comfortable to let them in.
Good luck, I hope you can work it out. Do you have an update 2 years later? I have taken the high road and it just seems to me that by doing that she feels validated in her actions. She has posted nasty things about me on facebook. My son made her take them down but no apology, he said it is just to hard for her to apologize. He can't even How do I choose a girlfriend?
out and visit How do I choose a girlfriend? without her calling crying about some drama that is going on each time it has turned out to be nothing, but it is her way of making him feel guilty for leaving her to come see us. His visits with us are every couple of months we live two states away and he stays for less than week most times so it ins't like it is a long visit away from her.
She cry's all the time, in the middle of a store at a football game, it doesn't matter. It is her way of controlling the situation. She wears sweatpants all the time, it is a battle to try and get her to wear jeans let alone anything nice.
I Made My Girlfriend Choose Between Me and Weed
I do make good money but by no means are we rich. I drive a nice car but I worked hard to get it full time work with full time school to get a masters degree to get a good job. My son has not gone to How do I choose a girlfriend? yet because he is waiting for her to graduate she is 3 years younger so he is wasting his life.
He is a drummer in a band and has had to miss several activities the band mates have done because she couldn't go or didn't want to go. His father is very vocal about his opinion and that creates issues.
His sister and him are best friends so she keeps her mouth shut and I have been very very quite on it, and if you knew me you would know that is a major accomplishment. However, we are at the point were we have cut off all help to him. He totaled his car shortly after we moved away, so we bought him a new one but it isn't as nice as the previous, that made her mad, and we refuse to pay insurance so the car is now parked at my parents, that made her mad as well.
I won't give him gas money to give to her for running him around, I don't bail him out when they need anything. I do still buy him clothes and such when I go out there or he comes out here, but that is it. I tried to be really nice even bought her school clothes when they all came out and she verbally attacked me because I spent more on my daughter who is under age and still in high school living at home with me then I did on him who is legally an adult and made the decision How do I choose a girlfriend?
not move with us, instead to live with her. I can't please her, so how do I continue in my relationship with my son with this wall being built by her between him and I? We have always been close, but I am not the kind of mom that expects to be 1 in his life forever, I want him to find a good girl and be happy, and I have liked several of his girlfriends.
This is the first one I haven't and it is the one that seems to be lasting the longest. At 17 this girl has already slept around more than most girls I know and doesn't seem to get that it is wrong. So how did your experience turn out? Your son as you titled this is an adult.
Treat him like one and maybe he will act like one. Let the man be a man. If you don't let go, how is he ever supposed to do that? Maybe that is her hold on him; she let's him feel like a man not a boy. It's not your job to make his decisions. It's your job to love and support him regardless of his decisions.
Your son sounds very educated maybe you should trust his decision. None seem to be good enough. He obviously has seen something in her that you are missing and maybe you should try to get along with her, sounds like she may be around a while.
Dear Lori, Your son is an adult. You need to trust his judgement and that you raised him well. His relationship with his girlfriend is clearly How do I choose a girlfriend? him in some way, whether you recognize it or not. You don't have to like her. You just need to love and support him including his decisions. Let go of judging her and try to find something redeemable about her. Do it for your son. If you warm up to her, you might even find that she reciprocates.
Either way, this is not about you. Furthermore, your opposition to his girlfriend can only serve to deteriorate the relationship you currently have with your son. What does your son say about his relationship? Has he complained about his girlfriend? I know how much parents want the best for their children, and you've made it clear she is not the best for him. I'm a Communication Studies Graduate Student.